Donts on Valentines' Day

Donts on Valentines' Day

Oh, it's so romantic!

Love, love, love everywhere.

You can indulge all you want in togetherness and romance!

But here's a suggestion: when planning for the big day this year, keep these tips in mind so you can celebrate with the right spirit.

No red overkill, please! Restaurants, shop windows, wrapping paper, chocolate boxes, balloons, teddy bears, cushions covers... almost everything will be coloured red. Unless you want to blend into the furniture, skip the colour. Stand out instead. Experiment with other colours of passion like blue and royal purple.

Don't gloat to single friends We know you will have a whale of a time with your partner.

But subjecting your single, footloose and fancy-free friends to incessant banter about how special your day will be, how many gifts you will receive, how many kisses you will steal and how lucky you feel to be seeing someone so wonderful is a no-no! Your friends will listen patiently for the first 10 minutes.

After that, you may hear less of them. So keep it short and sweet.

Don't steal! Believe it or not, couples do it because they want to come away with a little Valentine's Day memento.

Says 19-year old Lorraine Dias, who is currently studying law, "My friend Joanne is extra mushy. She and her boyfriend shared a candlelight dinner last year. After the meal, she made him slip her wine glass, which carried her lipstick mark into his pocket. The poor chap was supposed to keep it by his bedside and think of her before he went to bed. Yuck!"

No buying monster-size cards that scream, '1001 Reasons Why I Love You'! We wouldn't want you lying to your sweetheart now, would we?

Besides, it will sport a garish design and it is very uncool to be loud this Valentine season.

Instead, buy a regular card and write something from your heart.

Words that spring forth spontaneously have so much more meaning and lend such a warm personal touch. Try poetry or a limerick, if you're any good at them. As long as it comes straight from the heart, it'll work.

No gifting a dozen red roses! Too predictable!

Besides, the prices of roses will skyrocket on V-day, leaving you that much poorer!

Instead, says florist Sania Abid, "If your beau is vibrant and fun, go for African daisies or chrysanthemums in bright colours. And if s/he likes it mellow, orchids are just perfect."

This Valentine's, make it extra special by being spontaneous and staying away from the predictable!

Five Ways to Cope When Your Child Returns to the Nest

Five Ways to Cope When Your Child Returns to the Nest

Editor's note: This is a guest post from Alex Blackwell, who writes about creating success and happiness for the rest of your life at The Next 45 Years.

Final exams at Kansas University are only a few weeks away. My daughter, Caitlin, has been working very hard and will successfully complete her freshmen year in very good academic standing. Caitlin has learned a lot about being on her own and other important life skills, too.

However, she has already informed her mother and me her car will be packed and she will be ready to pull out of Lawrence, Kansas and head back home as soon as she completes her last exam.

While Mary Beth and I are looking forward to spending the summer with our daughter, we just hope her return to the nest will be equally successful.

In anticipation of her return home, my wife and I have been discussing how to embrace this change to our routine. We want the next few months to be happy and productive ones for the sake of the entire family. We have settled on these five ways to cope when our daughter comes home, again. I hope you will find these useful too:

1. Establish Some Ground Rules. The first place to start is with establishing, and communicating, the house rules have not gone away, even though Caitlin has been away from the house for the past 10 months. Things like curfew times, noise levels, keeping up with assigned household chores and friends coming over will all be redefined and enforced.

Being part of a family is a privilege. The ability to enjoy a comfortable home, food in the fridge, cable television and a computer with a fast Internet connection all come with responsibilities. The most fundamental of these responsibilities is to be accountable and to follow the family-approved rules. No one is exempt for these and there are no exceptions.

2. Set Boundaries. I have resigned myself to the fact that the peace and quiet Mary Beth and have enjoyed since last August will be interrupted over the summer months. This is not an indictment or criticism about Caitlin's behavior; it's just being honest to say our house has a lot more energy in it when our daughter is here.

With that said, my wife and I still have a right to privacy and to our personal space. It's important for all of us to have some personal space to retreat to when the need arises.

3. Caitlin's Contributions. In addition to respecting the house rules, there is also an expectation our daughter will contribute to the family in other ways, too. Helping with dinner, getting Emily, our younger daughter, to and from where she needs to go, and pitching in with the laundry will all be expected contributions.

When children return home, they should not be considered as invited guests, but as fully engaged and productive members of the family. Their contributions, however, are not limited to how they can help their parents; their presence, spirit and love are all valuable contributions as well.

4. Cultivate an Adult Relationship. It's very fulfilling watching our children grow up and grow in to becoming mature and responsible adults. An expectation Catlin may have this summer is to be treated as an adult – I can't wait to meet her expectation.

We invest some much time and effort in our children when they are young. This investment yields very, very favorable returns when we get to experience them as adults.

The years of reading bedtime stories and believing in Santa Claus are indeed magical. The time spent talking about who should win the next presidential election over a cold beer can be just as delightful. Gradually, and without much notice, our children become our friends.

I'm looking forward to finding out more about the reasons behind Caitlin's choice for president. I'm looking forward to nurturing an adult relationship with my daughter this summer.

5. Create an Exit Strategy. As the August days begin to get shorter, so will our time with Caitlin. With every homecoming, there is also a farewell.

When my daughter pulls up into the driveway in a couple of weeks, no one will be thinking about the day she will need to back out and head for Lawrence. It will be important to drop-in reminders of the inevitable departure along the way.

Within a few days of her return home, we will quickly develop a new routine and grow accustomed to her new-found presence in the house. We will also need to help transition her back to her college life.

Shopping for new items for her apartment, gradually giving her more autonomy as the summer wanes into the fall, and planning the Thanksgiving holiday details when we will unite as a family again, are all things we can do to help with the transition from the nest and back into her independence.

Thomas Wolfe may suggest "you can't go home again," but you can welcome your child home again and begin building a new relationship that can be sustained for the rest of your lives together.

Read more from Alex Blackwell at his blog, The Next 45 Years.

 

Internet Dating - Its Not For Geeks

Internet Dating - Its Not For Geeks

Six months ago an old school friend and I were chatting over coffee, putting the world to rights as women do. She was bemoaning her lack of success in meeting the "right sort" of men. I asked her if she had tried using an internet dating service, and the look of horror that quickly appeared on her face gave the instant answer ? of course not! Internet dating, she informed me, was for the sad, desperate, geeky or freaky.

Sadly this type of response is typical of people from all walks of life. Why sadly? Because those who instantly dismiss such services are missing out on a great opportunity.

The traditional argument for not using the internet to meet someone is that it is not natural. So what is natural? Where have people traditionally met their husbands, wives, lovers, and friends? Statistically, over the past 50 years the most common place for meeting ones spouse has been the workplace. This is hardly surprising given the ever increasing amounts of time most people are finding themselves working. Other common meeting places include bars, nightclubs, and parties, and some lucky few meet their lifetime partner early in life at college or university. However, the workplace remains number one for long term relationships. The reason for this is simple; lasting long term relationships are usually born out of robust friendships, and strong friendships form over time. Spend eight hours a day five days a week with the same people and you will get to know them very well. It is not uncommon in the modern world to spend more time with your colleagues than with your family, an unfortunate but true fact of life.

The increasing amounts of time we as a society are spending working is leaving less time to spend in social environments outside of the office, which means less opportunity to meet new people. So if you don't meet someone at work, where else is there? Enter the dating agency.

Dating agencies are not a new idea, they have been around a very long time. The internet has simply served as a new medium for bringing people together in a tried and tested way that agencies have used for years. However, it offers some unique advantages for those seeking a partner. Firstly it has lowered the cost of running a dating service, and that means agency dating has been opened up to a much wider audience. Secondly, it has broken down geographical barriers in a way that off-line agencies could never hope to. This is an important point because not everyone is looking for their future husband or wife on their doorstep. Indeed not everyone is looking for a future husband or wife; the explosion in internet dating has made it easier than ever to find new friends and correspondents across the globe.

These two points mean that some of the bigger agency sites now have in excess of three million members, and literally thousands of new members joining every day. With that many people, if you are serious about finding a partner, lover, or a friend, then the internet is simply too big a resource to ignore. And 'net dating is safe too; there is no need to exchange real names or even email addresses until you feel you know someone well enough. All the services allow you to block unwanted communication and so there is no fear of being pestered. Used sensibly, internet dating can be safer than almost any other way of meeting people.

The internet has revolutionised the way we work, shop, conduct our financial affairs, and entertain ourselves. To use it as a medium for meeting new people is a logical step in our fast changing world.

After that chat six months ago I convinced my friend to post a profile on a dating site, she didn't even have to pay anything to do so unless she wanted to start sending messages to other people. Now I never see her because she is spending all of her time with her new man. She didn't find him in five minutes like some of the sales pitches would like you to believe, but then six months ago she didn't expect to find him at all

How To Choose a Dating Service

How To Choose a Dating Service

There are so many dating sites out there, hundreds if not thousands, how do you even begin to decide where to register and start your online dating experience?

You could just pick one at random, create a profile, and sit back and wait for the other members to beat a path to your email inbox. Who knows, you could get lucky and it might work out first time. But even a tiny bit of investigation beforehand could save a lot of time and frustration!

The trick is to be prepared. You probably wouldn't go off to buy a new car and start by trawling around dealerships at random, you would already have an idea as to what sort of car you want ? how big, how fast, how much money you had to spend, and so forth. Based on these criteria you would have a good idea of which car showrooms to visit to find the right sort of vehicle for your particular needs. So the first question to ask yourself, is what do you want out of a dating site? Sounds obvious ? a date! But what sort of date? Are you looking for a serious relationship possibly leading to marriage? Or are you after a casual partner and you'll see where it leads? Or perhaps you just want some uncomplicated fun. The good news is that among the myriad of services out there on the web, there is something to cater for every requirement. Some sites will suit all tastes, but there are many that specialise, and the more specific you are about what you want, the better your chances of finding it.

Before looking at the sites on offer, think about how you will write your personal profile. Jot down a paragraph or two about yourself, your interests, and your hopes for a partner. Then write a few words about what you are looking for in a potential dating match. Doing this offline will help you structure in your own mind what sort of date you are looking for, and then when you go and look at some dating sites, you'll easily be able to pick out those that offer the best chance of providing what you want. The added benefit of course is that when it comes to filling in your profile online, you will be prepared and wont be sat in front of your screen lost for words. Instead your profile will read in a very natural and honest way.

I would always recommend choosing at least two sites to register with and put your profile on, after all, they are almost all free to start with ? you only need decide if you want to pay when and if someone of interest turns up and you want to make contact.

Websites like The Dating WebReview can also save you time. The reviews will quickly give you an idea about the services each dating site offers, and whether they specialise.

Choosing an internet dating site isn't difficult. In the end it comes down to finding one that you enjoy using. After all, if it appeals to your taste, then you already have something in common with the other members

The Magic of Flirting

The Magic of Flirting

Flirting is the way most people determine whether or not a member of the opposite sex is interested in them. Following is a quick outline on how you should go about the complex, sometimes fun, sometimes not so fun, task of flirting. It all beings with your approach.

The Approach

One person approaches the other. They move into closer physical proximity. This much is clear: NO approach equals NO possibility of initiating contact. You must approach!

Example: A woman sits down next to a man in a coffee shop, or a man stands near a woman in a dance club. This is the first step. Once you approach, you begin looking for the signs.

The Signs

The person who has been approached will always signal the other's presence in some way?a sign. This signal is not like a train whistle, however, more a subtle body language which you can learn to recognize. For example, he or she simply may look up, move over to make room, nod slightly, or signal with a glancing eye contact.

A display of total obliviousness to the one who is approaching generally indicates lack of interest altogether. Don't be discouraged. But if the one you approached shows absolutely no interest, then it's time to re-group and try again. But let's say the approach works. You have your positive acknowledgement, now what? Time to talk

The Verbal Exchange

The two people may then engage in a mild verbal exchange about impersonal, unimportant matters such as the weather or the scene around them. The key word here is MILD.

This is the classic place for the clever "line," but cleverness is not required. At this point, a verbal exchange is not for the purpose of sharing valuable insights about life or determining philosophical compatibility. It is just a vehicle to further the developing contact.

Examples: Verbal overtures might include anything from "please pass the pickles" to "your looking great tonight", to "have you seen the waitress?". Without some form of verbal response, it is highly unlikely that the next step will occur. Let's say all is going as planned. Time for body language.

Body Language

Over a period of time, a couple that has begun to talk may also begin to orient themselves physically to one another, to turn toward one another until, if all is goes well, they are fully facing one another. This is your goal.

This step can take minutes or hours . . . or weeks or months . . . to achieve. Yet, without this physical reorientation toward one another, not very much can ever happen, so give up on people who turn their back toward you for long periods of time! But if they don't?

Touching

The woman or the man (most often the woman) touches the other in a light, fleeting way. Examples: A couple might accidentally brush their hands against one another while reaching for a drink, or the woman might pat the man on the arm in the middle of a shared joke. The exchange of very subtle, almost glancing touches may continue for some while, and if all goes well, can escalate into the casual affections shown by couples who are dating. If you've reached this point, then flirting has now become the beginning of a relationship. The Art of Flirting should always end with the beginning of a relationship. Now get out there and flirt.

The Art of Flirting is really the Art of making first contact. You only have one shot at making a great first impression. By following some of the guidelines we've established in this article, you should now be equipped to locate, approach, and ascertain whether or not your subtle flirting has opened the doors to a new and exciting relationship.

By: Andre Leblanc

Love Quotes

Love Quotes

"Love is nothing, but a game; you can choose to play or be played."

"Love is a fist that captures a heart destroying all hope of breaking free."

"Love is like a cigarette that starts with flashes and ends with ashes."

"Love is as strong as death; its jealousy as unyielding as the grave. It burns like a blazing fire; like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love, rivers cannot wash it away."

"Love is like water we drink, so precious, so pure. Without it, we'd be thirsty and dry."

"Love is the music of the heart...keep on playin'!"

"Love is not blind. He just can't make up his mind, so he places one hand over his eyes and says the magic mystical words of eons ago... Eenni, Meenni, Minee, Mo!"

"Love is never lost. If reciprocated it will flow back and soften and purify the heart."

"Love is...everything that makes you smile, everything that brings you up when you are down, love is not beauty, or talent love is...YOU!"

"Love is grand, cherish her."

"Love is like a blinding sun ray in the sky. You can't see past it until it's too late."

"Love is not measured by how you feel, but how you make the other person feel."

"Love is like an ocean, beautiful and never-ending, with hazardous undertows."

"Love is purely a creation of the human imagination... the most important example of how the imagination continually outruns the creature it inhabits."

"Love is what your mind can't think of and your heart makes routine."

"Love is a part of man's life but woman's whole existance."

"Love is like everything else in this world, you have to fight for it."

"Love is like the ozone layer. You never miss it until it's gone."

"Love is like a wonderful feeling of compassion and satisfaction. It should be given respect and trust; and it should receive that love back."

"Love is a hard rock between two people and can't be torn apart."

"Love is a beautiful red rose given for no apparent reason."

"Love is a fire that reigns in the heart."

"Love is like a river, never ending as it flows, but gets greater with time!"

"Love is like swallowing hot chocolate before it has cooled off. It takes you by surprise at first, but keeps you warm for a long time."

"Love is a journey not a destination."

"Love is a precious gift that you receive, and you need to give it with caution!"

"Love is happiness given back and forth."

"Love is the only game never postponed due to darkness."

Romantic Tips

Love and romance is a flower that brings happiness and fragrance to everyone who touches it. It gives us a reason to smile when the world seems upside down. It fills the empty places in our heart, giving us hope for a future. It brings shine in the eyes making us the most beautiful person on the earth. Love is happiness, love is joy, and love is the happiness in everyone?s life.

Let this love envelop you in its romantic cuddle this Valentine. Let Valentine not be the occasion but love the occasion to Valentine. Here are some romantic tips to bring back that magic spark into your lives. Never underestimate the power of love. Even these small gestures, will fill your love life with romance and happiness.

So whether you are looking for some great romantic ideas or a number of romance tips, we have it all.

1. When driving your car, turn off your air conditioner and "roll" the windows down in your car. Feel the wind blowing through your hair and on your face as a way to feel more alive and open.

2. Eat "cooler" foods and drinks. It will reduce stress if you eat foods that are cooler and not as spicy. Sounds strange-- but true.

3. Show a little skin and wear some color. Be a little more daring and adventurous with your clothing choices. Even if you have a few extra pounds that you aren't happy with, experiment with wearing a piece of clothing or colors that you might not normally wear.

4. Let your fingers do the walking. Call or email your partner or a friend during the day and arrange something special to do together that evening. If you have a partner, It might be something very simple like sitting on the patio after dark and kissing instead of watching television.

5. Take more walks. Walking makes you feel healthier and is a great stress reducer. It can also bring you closer whether you are walking with a friend or your intimate partner. If you are walking with your partner, hold hands and create more closeness while you are enjoying the out-of-doors.

6. Play in the rain. Playing in the rain is something that many of us did as kids in the summer but not since we became grown-ups. The next time it rains (you might even use the lawn sprinkler), go out and run and dance in it. If your partner chooses to go with you, it's a great opportunity to laugh and have fun. If your partner doesn't choose to go with you or if you have no partner right now, just go out and have fun by yourself.

7. Take a picnic lunch or dinner to a beautiful location. Even if you are living and working in a city, there are usually parks that are beautiful this time of year. Take advantage of this beauty and ask your partner or a friend to go with you.

8. Drink in a sunset or sunrise. In our town, we have a bike path by the river and it's a perfect place to watch the gorgeous sunsets that are happening. The other evening, Susie just stopped and breathed in the beauty of the sky colors. There was even a rainbow! Enjoy this vision by yourself or with a loved one or friend.

9. Listen to music that helps you soar. Choose to listen to music that uplifts you. We are loving the music of Deva Premal and Miten right now. If you don't have music that uplifts you, go to a bookstore that has those music listening stations and experiment. Find what uplifts and expands you.

10. Do something kind for someone. Nothing feels better than to do something that's kind and loving for someone else. It might be something for your family, partner, friend, or a complete stranger. If you do it anonymously, it feels even better.

Get over those Heart Breaks

Get over those Heart Breaks

Do you feel like crying for no reason?

Do you want to be alone and go sob-sob-sob all day?

Has life suddenly become one long, boring, lonely journey?

If your answer was yes to all of the above, you are showing typical signs of a break-up. Fret not. You can come out of it -- if you want to, that is.

Break-ups usually happen when:

The boy has moved on

The girl has moved on

Both have moved on

The third scenario is the most preferred. However, it is never really that simple. Most break-ups fall in the first two categories. And when it's that way there is a lot of pain, may be for both partners.

There are many who are scared of break-ups while there are others who are practically pros. Nevertheless, both groups find it difficult to deal with certain realities. But there are ways.

Onece, who says he has had eight break-ups so far feels that he has mastered the technique of nursing a broken heart. With a great deal of enthusiasm too.

"The worst of the Post Break-up Syndrome (PBS) is the real time a** kicker, aka heart break. One, the world crashes down on you. Two, all your dreams are shattered. Three, you feel you have lost a lot more than just a partner. The best thing to do is convince yourself that it was the "right" decision and the scope to lead your life as a learned person with all the experience you have gained from the relationship."

So, if you have made up your mind to really getting over "it", here are some tips that you could follow:

~ First thing in the morning, look into the mirror and force yourself to smile. A bright smile can self-start your low engines.

~ Confide in someone who is close to you, someone with a lot of patience. Resolve the heartache and prepare yourself for a brighter future.

~ Make a list of things that you love doing. Plan your days such that you do one thing on the list every day for a week. Then, the next week create another list.

~ Cook your favourite food. Says Wolverine, "If cooking is your passion, like it is for me, follow it. A guy cooking good food got me tonnes of admirers from the opposite sex. Girls would go "aww" as soon as they heard. Get your friends over, cook good food, listen to great music and convince yourself that all that happened is for the best.

~ Meet up with your friends. There is no better antidote that good time spent with friends and there are no side effects either. "The best stress busters are your friends. Don't be hassled when they tease you a bit when you approach them after a break-up. They have the right to do it, since they were neglected when you were busy wooing your mate. They offer wonderful digressions," he adds.

~ Avoid places and activities that you performed with your beloved, at least for the first few months. As the healing sets in the memories will be less hurtful.

~ Take up a new hobby. It could a dance class or a cricket club. Meeting new and different people can refresh your pained mind.

~ Have some fun. It could be watching movies, going to the mall, going window shopping, visiting amusements parks, or visiting your favourite ice-cream parlour.

~ Do all the things you couldn't do when you were going around. Things like running errands for your mom. Doing some tasks for your little brother or sister.

~ Groom yourself. Don't let the spider webs get to you. Dress sharp, going to the gym, visiting a spa and eat the right food.

These are some tried and tested methods that have worked well for different people. The key, however, is to want to be happy and retain your enthusiasm. Once it is clear in your mind, the way ahead gets simpler.

Get Lucky In Your Love Life

Get Lucky In Your Love Life

Whether you are single or married, we all need luck in relationship and romance. It could be for getting a lifetime soul mate or to strengthen you relationship with your current spouse.

According to Chinese Feng Shui, the romance corner is at the Southwest corner of your home and this corner belongs to the earth element. Therefore, placing earth element object such as crystals in this corner can enhance your romance luck. A solid rose quartz crystal ball is a good option since this stone (rose quartz) teaches us to love ourselves thus opening us to universal love. Another option is the clear quartz crystal ball, which is the natural crystal point. When combined with other stones, clear quartz is able to enhance the energy of other stones. Its transparent outlook fits easily as a decorating item into any living room.

Besides crystals, a pair of mandarin ducks can enhance the romance luck for the occupants of the house too (One is bad. Remember to get one pair!). If you don't want to go through the hassle of buying a pond and feeding the ducks, wood/bronze/jade/crystal carved statues or a painting of mandarin ducks will also do the trick. They are interesting home decor for your home. A painting of peonies (Chinese flowers than represents love) will bring the same effect too.

Have You Lost That Loving Feeling?

Have You Lost That Loving Feeling?

Would you like to discover Easy and Creative ideas to enhance & create romance !

Regain that In love feeling , that you once shared..

Improve Intimacy , love and passion ..

Do it Now ...

Dont be the man without Love or the women seeking love ..

Seeking love ???

** Are you sick and tired of a stale relationship ?

** Do you want to create intimacy, love and romance in your life ?

** Does it seem as though , there is no hope with the one you love ?

** Are you desiring a more succesful and intimate relationship ?

** Do you need some great ideas to create more intimacy and romance ?

Well you need an approach .......

We know it is truly frustrating when we desire to be romanced, love intimately and passionately by the ones we desire, to have romance in our lives, we have countless nights of tossing and turning, not sure how to approach the intimacy with your partner , because of the fear of rejection or maybe the fear of the unknown..

Being romantic your partner should be of the most importance to everyone.

Bonds are created and communication opens itself up ..

Knowing that you can have those romantic intimate moments will lead you to a happy and fulfilling relationship.

Men seek and want fulfilling relationships, women need to understand and express what their needs are .

You are probably asking yourself how do i create romance and intimacy ?

There is Hope .. How do you develop these qualities?

Men you need to be DESIRED !!

Women you need ROMANCE !!

Afterall, We all need love, romance, passion , intimacy, and spirituality these are all vital principle in humanity. In order for us to survive .

You have to start right now..

This might be your chance to take action..

Heres why you should Enhance Romance :

Well Let me Give you 5 great reasons..

Reason #1 - You owe it and deserve it too yourself and your partner to have Romantic intimate love and passion in your life ..

Reason #2 - If you decide not too take action , nothing will change, you will continue to feel lonely , unhappy and disatisfied with your romance less - love life...

Reason #3 - You have nothing to lose and so much love and romance to gain, be happy ..

Reason #4 Estimated 83% of marriages end in divorce because they lose the romantic intimacy and passion they once had for each other .

Reason # 5. Single men & women dont find their true love partners, because they dont know what the opposite sex wants, needs or desires..

Please don't be the man without love or the women seeking love YOU NEED ~~ Love, Romance and Intimacy in your life .

Heartbreak to happiness...

Heartbreak to happiness...

Have you, at any point in your life, suffered a broken heart? Those waves of intense grief, emptiness, sadness, anger, confusion, heaviness and low self-esteem?

Depending on the kind of person you are and the situation, break-ups can be traumatic enough to affect your emotional and physical health.

They may say that no one ever died of a broken heart, but when you're suffering from one, it sure doesn't feel that way, at least initially.

Most people will tell you that you'll get over it or you'll meet someone else, but it seems easier said than done.

There are strategies that can lessen the pain. Here are 20 steps that can help:

Be aware of your real intentions

Do you want to move past the break-up. Or do you harbour hopes of getting back with your ex? Define your emotional goal. You can't move on until you've truly accepted that the relationship is over.

Make a clean break

Don't do the 'on-again-off-again' routine. It will only prolong the inevitable. Also, resist the urge to call your ex.

How do you know if you are over your ex? That's the million-dollar question. A good indication is when you no longer want to get back together with the person. Additionally, when the thought of your ex having a relationship with someone else doesn't affect you. Although you might not necessarily be 'happy' for him/her, but if you have gotten over your ex, you won't care either way.

Don't get self-destructive

Getting angry (or desperate), trying to hurt yourself or someone else, drinking or taking drugs to become numb and feel better, or locking yourself up in a dark room are not going to do anything to help your situation. These things don't actually deal with the pain, they only mask it, which only prolongs the sadness.

Share your feelings

It could be with a friend or family member. Talking is a great way to cleanse your soul and ease your tension.

Cry it out

Getting some of those raw emotions out can be a big help, so it's okay to cry as much as needed, irrespective of whether you are a a guy or a girl.

Give your heart time to heal

It takes time for sadness to go away. This depends on what caused your heartbreak, how you deal with loss, and how quickly you tend to bounce back from things. Getting over a break-up can take a couple of days to many weeks -- and sometimes even months.

Keep yourself busy

This can be difficult when you're coping with sadness and grief, but it really helps. Just make sure you busy yourself with positive activities like doing projects around the house, going on a trip, exercising, friend-time and focusing on studies or work. Don't get self destructive and at all costs avoid excesses of any kind.

Watch a movie

To distract yourself, choose a comedy that has cheered you up before. Or watch one that's guaranteed to make you sob -- you might be surprised how good that makes you feel.

Take a holiday/vacation or weekend off

Visit an old friend or go back home to your roots. A change of environment does wonders for the spirit. It recharges your batteries. It also gives you some time to think and find closure in a different setting.

Surround yourself with friends

Interacting with others will help you in resuming a normal life balance. It may open up opportunities for new friendships too. Consider dating other people, but be wary of rebound relationships.

Remind yourself of your good qualities

Often people with broken hearts blame themselves for what happened. Getting your self-esteem back on track is the key to your recovery.

Focus on yourself

You're going through a tough time, so do the things that make you feel good again. Get a new hairstyle, have a spa day, dance, or go shopping. Get lots of sleep, eat healthy foods, and exercise regularly to minimise stress and depression.

Improve yourself

This is an opportunity to make a journey into self-discovery. Discover what you want from life and go after it.

Get rid of the memories

Do your mourning and then put everything that reminds you of your ex in a box and seal it. Return it to them, throw it away, donate it to charity or ask a friend to hold on to it indefinitely. Get rid of anything that keeps you in the past, if it hurts.

Learn from the break-up

Take the positives from it, and even more importantly, learn from the negatives. There's nothing worse than dragging your negative habits along with you to future relationships, because you'll just end up with the same result until you learn from your mistakes.

Get out

Force yourself to go out even if you are feeling depressed. Go for a cup of coffee or a long walk.

Move on

People who are dealing with a break up tend to play over past events in their head ad nauseum. This behaviour is normal in the early days of a break up but it can quickly become a dangerous and defeatist coping strategy. Remember that the end is just the beginning. Visualise your future, block out the past. Pick up the pieces and go after the kind of life and relationship you deserve.

Don't punish your next partner

Judge future relationships on their own merits. Don't let paranoia from the past enter the present. If you live in the past too much, you aren't ready to be in another relationship yet. Learn to trust again. Don't let a bad experience keep you from living your life to the fullest.

Consider getting professional help

Sometimes the sadness is so deep -- or lasts so long -- that one may need extra support. For a person who isn't starting to feel better after a few weeks or who continues to feel depressed, talking to a psychologist or counsellor or psychiatrist can be very helpful.

Take charge

Find the courage to pull yourself out of this rut. Take charge of yourself and you will find that there actually is life after 'What's-His-Name' or 'What's-Her-Name'! You just need to make the decision so you can move on.

Take tiny steps each day and you will be amazed that you are starting to feel better. Lean on your friends and family, and remember, time will heal all wounds.

Top 10 Tips for Successful Online Dating

Top 10 Tips for Successful Online Dating

Feeling like there's something that's just not quite there yet in how you're going about this whole online dating thing? Don't feel bad, chances are you're one of the many people who're still pretty new to this gig. Heck, internet dating has only been around for about eight years, so obviously no one out there can claim to have all the answers.

But hey, seeing that we've been perfecting the art of matching people up online all eight of those years, we'd like to share a little of what we've learned about how to make the best of your online experience. Who knows, one of these pointers might be just what you've been missing in perfecting your own online dating adventures.

Therefore, without further ramblings, here are the:

TOP 10 TIPS FOR SUCCESSFUL ONLINE DATING

SAY CHEESE! Look your best and submit a great photo of yourself for your profile photo. A good picture really is worth a thousand words, and research shows that you are nearly 10 times more likely to be noticed if you post a photo to your profile.

And, the same stats hold true when you contact someone you've noticed on the site. If you don't have a photo, don't be surprised if the responses aren't too quick in coming back.

Now, don't get mad a start making accusations about all the shallow people out there. While it may be true that some people place too much emphasis on physical appearances, the bottom line is it does make a difference when two people are meeting and making initial evaluations of their interest in each other. And, it's also a trust thing. It is always going to be much easier to interact with a face than with a blank box.

FRESH IS GOOD Change your profile picture and greeting occasionally, add photos to your photo album, and login regularly-this will not only get you noticed, but it will help others get a more varied and up-to-date idea of what constitutes the real you.

When something interesting happens in your life, tell us about it in your profile greeting. This is a great way to let your online friends in on what it might be like to actually spend time with you. That's the main goal of online dating isn't it, to find people you'd finally like to meet and spend time with face-to-face? Anyways, it's always more fun to hear about a crazy experience you've just had than to read the same old descriptions of you and your cat that have been on your profile for months now.

As for photo albums, this is the icing on the cake. Not only do these photos round out and confirm the physical picture your friends are forming of you, but they also go a long way in helping others really see what makes you "you." The head and shoulders shot of you in your profile photo is nice and all, but when they see you hanging 10, running with your Chihuahua, or shoving a big fat piece of cheesecake in your mouth ? now they're getting to know you.

I HAVE CONFIDENCE IN ME Have fun describing yourself without making excuses about why you're on the site or who convinced you to finally go online. Tell us what makes you unique.

Believe it or not, being an online dater no longer places you on the fringes of society or even in the minority. Online dating has grown up and moved into the mainstream, and so you can now happily assume that the face-saving qualifiers of past times online are now obsolete. And, more importantly, just realize that they don't help your cause when meeting others online.

One more thing ? try to be original. Yes, I'm sure you really do like the outdoors and want to meet someone who looks good in a tux and in jeans, but so does everyone else! Tell us some things about yourself that wouldn't necessarily come out in an elevator conversation with your tax accountant. For example, what are you passionate about? What would you do if no longer had to work for a living? What's your favorite flavor of gelato? Do you secretly wish everyday was sampling day at the grocery store? ? now it' getting interesting!

HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY Don't be fooled thinking telling fibs will impress that special someone enough to get relationship started... it will turn them off! Be your best self.

When you really stop and think about it, what do you think your new friend's reaction is going to be if when you meet for the first time it's obvious you're not the person they thought they were going to be meeting? "Oh .. hi. I see that you've been dishonest with me from the get-go here, but hey, I'm still thinking we've got a great shot at having an open, trusting relationship for the long-term" Obviously not.

They're going to be hurt, and disappointed. And, your relationship is unlikely to get past the wave goodbye as your friend gets back in their car to go home.

IT'S NICE TO BE NICE Okay, so you get a little grouchy once in a while-don't we all? However, people like nice people. Please be considerate and polite ? it will make this whole online thing so much more enjoyable for all of us!

There's an interesting social phenomenon researchers have discovered in online interactions. They've found people often change their standards of politeness and diplomacy when a conversation is happening online, versus face-to-face.

Don't believe it? You might be surprised if you were to go back and look at some of the things you've said. Look at some messages you've sent, and then consider saying the exact same words in a face-to-face or a telephone conversation. Sound a little rough? Don't feel too bad, it happens to the best of us, just try to keep this in mind the next time you're typing out an email or instant message.

One more thing-please don't ignore people. A quick "thanks, but no thanks" note is so much better than no reply at all. In fact, next time you're replying to a message on the site, check out the new "Thanks but No Thanks" template. It's a quick way to nicely let someone know you're not interested in corresponding.

YOU CAN PICK YOUR FRIENDS? Invite your friends along! Create Activity Groups, go on group dates, try Express Dating, enjoy travel events, and just enjoy the net together. After all, instant messaging alone isn't enough to build solid relationships.

Group dating and group events simply make a lot of sense for online dating. Not only does it make those first dates less stressful, it often makes them more fun, and it definitely makes first meetings a much safer proposition.

Have you ever tried Activity Groups? They're a great way to meet people with common interests in a safe, fun group setting. You can join a group that's already been created, or you can create your own and invite all your friends to join ? and their friends ? and their friends ? you get the point.

BREAK OUTA THAT SHELL Don't be afraid to make the first contact. Online dating makes it easy for all you shy ones out there to break the ice, because you get to do all the initial getting to know each other from the comfort and safety of your own computer.

To start, just send a Flirt or a quick email message saying Hi-and do it often! You might be surprised how many of our great members suffer from lack of attention from their online peers. Not only might you find someone with whom you're very interested in maintaining contact, but you'll probably be making someone's day.

EXPAND YOUR HORIZONS If your first internet efforts haven't turned up "the perfect one," don't despair. Hundreds of new people sign up every day on the site, so just come back to see Who's New. You may also want to consider expanding your searches-don't be too intent on sticking to your itemized checklist for eternal mates.

You might also want to try some different searches from time to time. Because there are about a million different things you might find attractive in another person, it's nice to mix up the criteria you're searching on once in a while. For example, you can search by their Occupation, any Keyword or combination of keywords you can think of, and many others.

UH OH ? THIS MIGHT ACTUALLY BE FUN! Don't be afraid to have some fun along your path to relationship happiness! Enjoy getting to know people and understand that many happy relationships and even marriages start with a good ol' friendship. And, don't rush it!

You've heard animals can sense fear? Well, we humans can be pretty perceptive as well (except for that one guy who just can't take a hint). So, don't think others can't sense when you're frustrated, dejected, conceited, holier than thou, fed up, etc. etc. Put a smile on, and enjoy the ride, because even if the first few people you meet aren't Mr./Mrs. Right, it doesn't mean you can't have some fun in good conversations with them.

You may also need to be a little bit patient as you head off into the brave new world of online dating. Not all marriages are "love at first site," and even if yours is, it may take a lot of looking before you "site" that special someone. And so, once again ? enjoy the ride!

USE YOUR NOODLE Ya know, that gray matter between your ears? That's your noodle. Use it! Be smart, be cautious, and follow our safety guidelines, your instincts, and the spirit in all your dating activity.

Done right, online dating is a lot of fun, and it's a great way to meet some wonderful people ? just ask the thousand-plus people we've had submit success stories to us in the past few years! So, enjoy it, and follow these ten tips, and hopefully we'll be getting a success story from you sometime soon.

10 Crucial and Surprising Steps to Build Trust in a Relation

10 Crucial and Surprising Steps to Build Trust in a Relation

1. Be predictable.

When do seeds of suspicion emerge? When one begins to think, What's up? Why is he doing that? He's never done that before. That is so unlike him. He loses 30 pounds, buys a new wardrobe and comes home late from work. He changes his patterns. His behavior becomes unpredictable. You get the picture? Any movement away from predictable behavior can become suspect and trust can deteriorate.

Focus on acting predictably if you need to build trust. Be consistent in what you do.

This doesn't mean you must be boring. If there is a twinkle in your eye and a dose of spontaneity every so often, for goodness sakes be spontaneous and fun loving. But, be spontaneous consistently! Be true to who you have always been and be that consistently, whoever you tend to be!

2. Inform your significant other when you become "unpredictable."

No one goes through life the same person. We all make shifts and changes. Frankly sometimes we may be fairly clueless about what is happening and where we are going. Those times may be very intense and we do some silly things or make some downright dumb decisions. Life can get very squirrelly and unpredictable. (I have a favorite phrase: Gold is refined through intense heat.) Growth in an individual, marriage or family often is accompanied by a little chaos.

Welcome these shifts, for there is a part of you searching for something better/different/richer/deeper, but for heaven's sake, inform your partner of what you are experiencing. Say, "I really don't know what is going on in me right now, but I'm moving in a different direction. Be a little patient with me while I figure this out. I might do some silly things, but my intent is not to harm you or scare you. Accept some of my wondering and wandering and please be there for me? I may need to run some of this by you every so often!"

3. Make sure your words match the message.

Mean what you say and say what you mean. When your partner hears one thing in your words but your tone of voice, body language and facial expressions are really saying something else, you open the relationship to some crazy making days. Which message is she to believe? This can waste a tremendous amount of energy and she learns not to trust part of what you are saying.

Here's a very simple but common example. You are getting ready to go to a formal dinner. Your wife comes to you and says, "How do I look?" (And she's wearing a dress you don't particularly like and her hair is pulled back in a way that turns you off.)

Not to spoil the evening you enthusiastically say, "You look great." You don't really mean it and a part of her knows you really don't mean it. But, you leave it at that.

This might not seem like a big deal - we all have done something similar - but if trust is shaky to begin with, it is even shakier now.

Here's how to match the words with the nonverbal: "I think you are a beautiful person. I want you to know that. I love you dearly and it will be wonderful to have you by my side tonight. Others will see your beauty. (As you say this, you look into her eyes as you put your hands around her waist.) She's not concerned so much with how she looks but is expressing a need for affirmation. She's not talking about her dress or hair, but about wanting to know the evening is going to go just fine. You respond to the real message.

You can take this one step further, if you like. At some point you might bring up her need for affirmation and talk about that. Ask her is there is anything you can say or do so that need is met.

Trust is awareness of the intent beneath the obvious message and responding to that!

4. Believe the other person is competent.

I hear this phrase very often: "But, I don't want to hurt him." A couple things are at play here. First, she may not have the skill of confronting the other with the truth in a way that brings reconciliation and understanding. She believes truth telling is destructive or entails some sort of drama. Neither is true. The truth is never destructive and can be conveyed in loving ways. (With that said, what we believe to be the truth may indeed be a distorted perception that fits our personal needs.)

Or, she may see the other person as a wimp; someone she believes cannot handle rigorous personal confrontation. She doesn't trust that the other person has the internal strength or stamina or skills to be in a relationship of mutual respect and equality. The other person picks up on this mistrust and does what he does (feigns inadequacy and incompetence) to avoid the personal confrontation as well. A dance is acted out.

Believe and know in your heart that the other person, somewhere and somehow, beneath the games, has the internal strength and capacity to handle anything. Such trust builds trust in the other person and begins to pervade the relationship. "Hey, she thinks I can handle this! Hmmmm, this is mighty good! I CAN engage her and be truly intimate!"

5. Be very very careful of keeping secrets.

If he knows there is an elephant in the room and doesn't talk about it, the elephant takes up tremendous space in the relationship. It takes energy for him to walk around it. She may not see the elephant but knows he is bending his neck to look around something. She will be curious, mildly disturbed, have feelings but no words to wrap around them, might wonder if something is wrong with her or struggle with trusting her intuition (her intuition KNOWS an elephant is there.) And, when we can't trust the messages that come from within us, we find it very difficult to trust the messages of the other person.

Secrets demand tremendous energy and erode trust. The relationship is doomed never to experience wall-banging intimacy. This is why extramarital affairs are so damaging. She is not so much concerned about him having sex with someone else as she is about the betrayal, lack of trust, the secrets and deception that are crazy making and energy draining.

Now, please. I'm not saying that you sit your partner down and divulge the 23 secrets of your illicit past behaviors. If you have resolved those, i.e. forgiven yourself, understand those behaviors, learned from them and were able to use them to make the internal shifts necessary for your personal development, they do not qualify as an elephant. Hopefully, in the course of growing intimacy in your relationship you may want to share some of those events as you disclose to your partner where you were and where you are now. You do so without emotional charge.

However, if a secret takes up room, i.e. still has an emotional charge and holds you back from disclosing more and more of yourself in the growing stages of intimacy, you have a problem that needs to be addressed with your partner.

6. Let YOUR needs be known - loudly.

Be a little - no, be a lot - self-centered. (Be self-centered, but not selfish!)

Here's a problem I run into almost every day. He is backing away (perhaps attached to work, another person, etc.). She feels the trust and intimacy eroding, is scared and wants to "win him back." So she begins an all out effort to "work on the marriage." She invites him to do so as well. He may reluctantly agree. She blasts full throttle ahead trying to "be nice" and meet every need he ever said he had. She's going to "fill his tank with goodies."

Doesn't work. Her eyes are riveted on him. He feels "smothered" or maybe even resentful: "Why is she doing this NOW!" She's hopeful, but eventually that turns to resentment. Her underlying motive - if I meet his needs, he will feel good and meet mine - just doesn't work. It's perceived as manipulation, which it is. Of course, he doesn't say anything. After all, how do you get angry with someone who is so "nice and caring?"

Trust disintegrates under a blanket of quiet niceties.

Start with your eyes focused on YOU. What do YOU need? Explore your personal need system. Dig beneath the surface. And then say to him: "I need?x, y and z. I would like to talk to you about them. I would like us to work out a way so my needs are met. Are you open to that?"

He is empowered to say yes or no. Or, he may say, "What about my needs?" You respond, "I am very interested in hearing what is important to you, certainly."

Have you ever been around someone who stated clearly what they needed/wanted?

Didn't you respect that person?

Because you knew where he stood, and therefore where you stood, didn't that interaction move toward a trusting relationship?

7. State who YOU are - loudly.

It is very sad to see those in relationships of emotional investment hold back from letting the other person know who they really are.

You build trust in a relationship by entrusting your SELF to the other person.

This sounds easy but I find it difficult for most to pull off. Most of us have a difficult time declaring our SELF. For one thing, if you're like most of us, you haven't given much thought to what it is that makes YOU truly YOU. Don't you feel like you glide through life on autopilot, focusing on tasks, goals, accomplishments, problems and the external realities?

Don't you tend to focus on those things out there or that person out there? You're concerned about what he is thinking, how he is responding to you, whether he likes you, whether he will be an obstacle and where he will fit in your life?

Your conversations may be pleasant but fairly superficial and bluntly, boringly inane. You converse about things/relationships/events out there. You are reluctant to share your thoughts, values, and impressions or take a stand. This doesn't destroy trust. But it doesn't create it either.

And, if you do take a stand it may serve the purpose of protecting you or entrenching you as you react against someone. This more often than not creates trust barriers.

Take some time to reflect on your standards. What are your standards for a relationship? What standards do you hold for yourself? What do you order your life around? What are the 4 top values in your life? What are some themes that you live by? What are you known for?

And then?begin letting significant people in your life know.

They will respect you. They will know you more deeply. They will thank you for the opportunity to know you. They will see you as a person of character.

They will trust you. They can count on you. They know exactly what is behind and within you.

8. Learn to say NO!

Sometimes you need to say NO! Often it is crucial to say NO!

Saying NO sets boundaries around you that protects you from being hurt or venturing into territory that will be destructive to your heart and soul. You draw a line. You stop tolerating that which drains energy and makes you less than YOU. You refuse to allow the destructive behaviors of others to destroy you. You build a moat around the core of your life.

You do this by informing the other person of what they are doing. You request they stop. If they don't stop, you demand they stop. If they don't stop you walk away without a snide remark, eye-roll or comment.

To some this seems harsh, but saying NO is RESPECTED.

Fear is the basis of mistrust. If you fear that someone will hurt you and believe you have no recourse but to endure that hurt, fear will prevail. How can you trust when you are in fear?

Saying NO, protecting yourself, sends a message to the other person that you will not live in fear. This usually triggers a response of respect from the other person. After all, if you can protect yourself and refuse subjugation to that which is destructive, will not the other person come to trust you and see you as a person who just might protect him/her from harm as well?

9. Charge Neutral.

When your significant other expresses something powerfully, charge neutral.

Most of us are afraid of strong feelings or points of contention in a relationship. I commonly hear people respond by defending themselves (to a perceived attack), explaining themselves, counter-attacking, shutting down, or walking away. Of course, the relationship remains stuck in this quagmire of mistrust and fear.

Rather than reacting and having your feelings flowing all over the place or shutting down, practice charging neutral.

Communicate calmness, not only in your tone of voice but also in how you carry your body. Don't speak with a charge to your voice. Control your voice! Say what you must say, state the truth and do it directly and calmly.

You can do this, once you master your fears. It will dramatically change the flow of the relationship.

You will be able to point out something big, without making a big deal out of it. You will be in control of you. This not only feels great, but your partner trusts that you won't fly or fall apart.

You will experience your personal power. This makes you very attractive. Don't people really trust someone who knows their personal power and how to use it for the welfare of themselves and others?

Your partner will love the fact that she can trust you consistently to operate from your "quiet center," remain engaged, not back down and speak the truth with conviction and calmness.

10. Dig into the dirt.

Relationships of emotional investment, by their nature, bring trials, tribulations, fears, chaos, turmoil, change, stretching and growth. They become the grist from which your life is shaped and formed.

Be fearless when faced with turmoil, upset, crisis, questions, and fears. When the time is right, seek them out. Move toward the frightening unknown. Dig into the dirt of your relationship and uncover the treasures. Do you really TRUST that this can happen?

The purpose of your relationship is not to make you happy. Do you realize this? Happiness may be an outcome, but your other is given to you to move you to where you really want to be.

Obstacles, trials and moments of pain are given as lessons on which you intentionally write the script of your life individually and together. Embrace the difficult. Trust that in this embracing you will find more of your true self.

Trust that you are given the resources and capacity to face what you and your significant other are to face.

Once you are able to believe and trust these ultimate purposes, trusting your significant other will be that much more easy.